Updated: Apr 12, 2020
Showing up for yourself is so important. But there is such a thing as overdoing it. And that’s the point where I get to often and quickly and without realizing it.
This year I have come to realize and appreciate the importance of taking adequate care of myself. I have began to strive to be the best person I can be. This has lead to great things but has also led to difficult downfalls.
Recently I've finally realized I have been obsessing. Obsessing over getting things perfect. I obsess over eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep. I obsess over being exceptional in every area of self care.
I started doing Rachel Hollis's Start Today journal where everyday you write down 5 things your grateful for, 10 dreams you want to achieve in 10 years and one goal you are going to focus on right now. The problem for me with this practice is the part about writing down 10 dreams I want to achieve in 10 years. Clarifying these dreams and becoming aware of where I want to be in the future is amazing and empowering. It has given me a sense of pride and direction. But is is not something I should remind myself of or let alone write down everyday. It works for millions of people. But for me it makes me feel like I need to achieve these 10 dreams in 10 days or 10 hours or even 10 minutes.
I'm grateful to form such clarity on dreams and hopes I have for the future but it has dug me into a hole of self pressure. Life is about such a constant search for balance. Balance we'll never find because when you do, two seconds later something else will pop you back off your feet. And that's completely okay because that's life. The important thing to do is to try to become aware of our habits, the good and the bad and all the self pressure.
I'm working to have much more grace with myself. To acknowledge where I'm at, what I've achieved and where I hope to be going.
It is so important to eat healthy and take care of your body and your mind, but when it gets to a point when you’re obsessing, when I get to a point where it’s not making me happy anymore, when it gets to be too much then there’s no point in it at all. These good things turn into bad things that turn into obsessions.
Instead of worrying over what I need to get done now to achieve my dreams in the future all I can hope for is to be much more present in the now. Because tomorrow is never guaranteed.
I'm working on addressing my social media addictions and self care obsessions. It's an incredible thing to just be present where your feet are. Giving myself the chance to stop and think about this is what helps me relieve some of this immense self pressure I put on. It makes the biggest difference to listen to what we feel and need.
Forget about judgement and wrap your arms closer to the ones that you love. And sometimes cry. Cry everything you need to cry. It can make a world of a difference. It was in this place I realized all of this where I heard from the most important person in my life that I needed to write this post.
Thank you for reading :)