A Wake Up to Reality (3)
Updated: Apr 12, 2020
February 8, 2020
Just sitting with each other in our hardships and just being there. There’s nothing more that can be or should be done. The support of a friends presence does more than words can do sometimes. Talking to someone who knows my life, my family and my words hits home like no other. Watching my dad and my best friend hug brought a wave of emotions over me I didn’t know possible. Leaving tears of gratitude rush down my face. After a life or death scare the beauty that comes out of it is the upfront, honest appreciation for life. And I think this is something we should be doing everyday without having to have the fragility of life flashed before our eyes. Since dad’s seizures I’ve been left in so much thought but also found myself in moments of telling my people I love them more. Being more honest about the love of life we should all be feeling and sharing.
Being with myself and my own thoughts is a gift. I don't know why I run from it so much. Everyday I pop my headphones in and go on with my day, not thinking, just listening to music I've heard before. None of it is resonating but I keep doing it, hiding from the thoughts that may arise from silence.
2020 is leaving me with so much to reflect on already. I keep getting lost in my phone and things that don't matter. If I don't get the things done that I feel are urgent, the world will keep turning and everything will actually stay the same despite what my stress filled brain feels.
Life is so much more than the things we feel we have to do. I have been learning so much about what it means to know yourself. In one of my University classes we are actually talking about such real important life concepts. Life is so busy and so fast we look for distractions all the time, when the most magical thing to do can be to sit with ourselves. Really feel and listen to what we're thinking, what's going on in our heads.
Through falling out of distraction and back into myself countless times I keep repeating advice for myself. Sit with those you love more than you used to. Sit in the uncomfortable spots more than you'd like to. Listen to your mind and your heart and trust who you are and allow yourself to get to know that person better. I want to know me and understand me.
My heart hurts because looking back on the past few days I feel like I have been running from this reality. This reality that my family is going through forever changes. Living day to day with unknowns never before experienced. And I'm here in a different land pretending it's not happening. And worst of all, not connecting with them in every which way I can. This life is so confusing. But through all this I am learning to slow down, to breath more, to allow my thoughts to run more freely and to feel all that I need to. Embrace yourself, your family, your loved ones and everyone in between. We don't have all the time we think we do. Say the things you never thought you would. Because one day you never will be able to.