• Jessica McDonald

A Maturing Me

Updated: Apr 12, 2020

There's something off with me when I'm not writing. It feels like for so long now I am always writing. Even if it’s just a small amount. So these past few weeks when the writing's all slowed down or stopped, looking back on it I can see why.

A good friend of mine told me something I’ve been holding onto for a while now. I still don't think I have realized the weight of it’s importance yet….

When your chasing someone, your too busy running you don’t have time to catch your breath and realize what’s happening.

When someone is giving you just enough to keep you hooked you never take a second to look at what’s really going on. To ask yourself if this is what you want, if that’s who you want. Too look at if your being hurt, if your hurting and if this is who you really are....

This time of quarantine and time away from my apartment is giving me the space to learn myself more than I ever thought I needed.

I’m learning more about me. My tears, my pain, my heart and my love. All of this is in me and always has been but I have never been pulled away from so many distractions before to feel it. But I’m here now and just starting to give myself the room to feel it all.

As this quarantine is going on I’ve been slowly getting rid of more and more social media. I think that’s exactly what I’ve been needing. Getting rid of parts of my online life are all for different reasons but the core purpose to it all is to understand me. To take away distractions or temptations that pull me away from looking inward and not outward for answers.

I feel myself changing. I feel myself growing. And I feel myself maturing. I’m not the person I was last week let alone last month. I have the urge to protect my heart and in some cases I think that’s important and needed, but to an extent. I want to love and be loved. To connect and learn and grow with others. But I also don’t see the point to keeping anyone around if they aren’t in your life for the right reasons.

Some people in life aren’t what’s right for you and that’s a really hard thing to come to terms with. Grow and maturing into the woman I’m meant to be I feel myself understanding standards more. Understanding the bar you should set within yourself to have people around that lift you up. People that you learn from and grow from.

As I’m maturing I am understanding myself, my values and my core way more. And not settling for anything less than what those are. We all deserve the room to connect, to love and to feel everything inside of us, even if that means hurting. Give yourself that room.

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