A Human Experience
2020 has been the most uncertain, obscure and challenging years of my life. And yes, we're only half way through it. From January 19th onward there has been a consistent flow of unexpected, unwanted changes. Having to cope has been unsteady. I haven't known how to. I mostly tried to ignore it all and to keep busy. But covid stopped all of that right in my tracks. I have been forced to sit and think and be in silence.
We don't just grieve when someone dies, we grieve when we lose something close to us. And when we grieve we often flip between doing one of two things: doing and feeling. And boy did I "do" when Covid hit.
As the loss of so much normalcy struck, so did the loss of a few extremely close people in my life, as well as the loss of a lifestyle my family had and was comfortable in.
Three completely unrelated losses, all mixed in, at the exact same time.
It was so much to bear and so I overflowed myself with ways to stay busy. To just do and to not feel. However, when I got into quarantine and had so much time to fill in the day alone and in my home, the feelings struck up at some point.
I am proud that I cope with my feelings in a much healthier way than I used to years ago. This time I didn't ignore it all. Eventually I stopped doing and started feeling.
I started letting the emotions arise and outpour. And it was hard. It felt like it wouldn't stop. And for a month or two I mixed my time between feeling it all and feeling nothing. What kept me afloat, what gave me and is still giving me release is conversations. I started facing some of the grief and gaining closure of some of the losses. What I quickly realized as I talked to friends was that we were all going through hard things and we were all feeling it so deeply. These conversations made me feel full and okay, like I wasn't alone.
Through every conversation I felt such a pure connection between the two of us. And then I kept thinking, I need to document this. I needed to hear this. I need other people to hear this.
When we go through the ringer there's no solution to solve it all. Yet love and connection is an answer to questions we never ask.
This is why I am creating a podcast. Human to Human will be based on meaningful conversations I've had and will intentionally create that make me and others feel seen, heard and connected. Grief leaves us feeling incredibly alone. Sometimes we have to sit in that. And sometimes we have to reach for others.
I will be connecting one on one with some of my favourite people in this world and my only hope is for it to bring comfort, conversation and fulfilment to others as well.
It'll simply be just two people talking, human to human.
Stay tuned for my first episode and first blog for this.
Thanks so for reading.
Sending so much love in this whacky time,